Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Baking Christmas cookies with your kids is a great way to question all of your life choices.
— Foxy Wine Pocket (@FoxyWinePocket) December 12, 2016
Did you just scream at your kids for no reason? Then, like me, you must be doing a fun family holiday craft project.
— The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) December 16, 2016
Most of “sleeping in” as a parent is listening to your kids try to “whisper.”
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 16, 2016
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 15, 2016
Pick me up at 4:00.
I forgot my lunch money.
Can you bring my folder to school?
New phone. Who dis?
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) December 13, 2016
A snow day on a Monday is the ultimate parental kick in the crotch.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 12, 2016
If anyone needs something divided EXACTLY in half, they should use the world’s leading authority: any parent with two or more kids.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) December 13, 2016
When you’re grocery shopping with kids & the candy aisle comes into view. pic.twitter.com/YIZGa4tmT0
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 11, 2016
Me: I start a new job today.
7: Please be Santa Claus.
Me: Sorry, I just sit at a computer.
7: You need to think bigger & be more confident.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 12, 2016
You know you’re a parent when your primary wish during your child’s school holiday performance is “please don’t let mine be the crying kid.”
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 14, 2016
You know those movies were there’s a narrator constantly talking over everything the protagonist does? That’s basically life with kids.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 16, 2016
I never knew you could do a job that you pretended to know what you were doing for longer than 3 years until I became a parent.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 11, 2016
I’m a parent, so if you really want me to feel at home I’m going to need you to cry while I brush my teeth and yell “Mooooom!” while I poop.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 13, 2016
Someone asked if I was trying to do the no make-up challenge & I was like, “No, this is just what parenting looks like.”
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 12, 2016
I wore a t-shirt that says Rad Dad today, but it was mostly an excuse for the rest of my attire.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) December 16, 2016
Before I was a parent I didn’t know you could get a migraine from just getting your kids into bed at night.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 11, 2016
Kid fast asleep. Me staring at the ceiling while I sit on the couch. Laundry untouched. Motherhood is the real Mannequin challenge.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) December 14, 2016
6: I can’t get up, I’m too tired
Me: *checks phone* oh, you have a snow da-
6: *bursts out of bed shrieking & runs 20 laps around the house*
— Lurkin’ Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 12, 2016
Daughter: Mommy, where does lightning come from?
Me: Well sweetie, when you don’t clean your room, the universe gets very very angry…
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 12, 2016
* work, cook, clean & parent all day and feel like I’ve done nothing
* 10mins connecting laptops to the printer & I’ve conquered the world
— Tonya Staab (@TonyaStaab) December 12, 2016
My face when someone on the couch asks if I can “be quieter unloading the dishes.” pic.twitter.com/GrYFRdDV3u
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 11, 2016
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