Online dating could be a real shit show. Sometimes, literally!
Recently, an English postgraduate student with the pseudonym “Liam Smyth” went on a Tinder date that started off swimmingly.
After going to dinner, the scholar and his lady friend returned to his home where they Netflix and chilled to a Scientology documentary. An hour later, his date got up to use the toilet, and returned with a panicked look.
She told Liam:
“I went for a poo in your toilet… and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked… I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.”
Unfortunately, the turd didn’t go out the window. Because of a “design quirk,” the toilet window doesn’t open outside, it opens to a foot-and-half gap separated by another non-opening, double glazed window. So basically…
THE POOP WAS CAUGHT INSIDE THE WINDOW!
While Smyth tried to “find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window,” the “amateur gymnast” had other ideas.
“Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried and tested ‘inside out blag as glove’ technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach. She climbed further in and had the same problem. Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came.”‘
Even though the feces was out of the window gap, the girl WASN’T! As much as Liam tried, he could not pull her out. Eventually, he had no choice but to call the fire brigade who were able to free her after 15 minutes of work.
While his date was unharmed, his window wasn’t, as firefighters were forced to tear it apart. The date ended up costing him around $393 in repairs.
Because of his limited budget, Smyth set up a gofundme account to raise the funds. After the story went viral, the university student ended up collecting over 10 times the original campaign amount!
As promised, Liam is donating the outstanding amounts to two appropriate charities: Toilet Twinning (which builds and maintains flushing toilets in the developing world) and The Fire Fighters Charity (to support the everyday heroes of the UK fire community).
Oh, and the poor girl (who remains anonymous for obvious reasons) totally knows about the fundraiser!
What a shitty situation!
[Image via gofundme.]